Adv Kanika Jaitely 

The relationship with your parents should feel like a haven of unconditional love. But for countless daughters, it doesn't. They often carry a heavy, unspoken burden: the constant feeling that they are being judged, scrutinized, and ultimately, are not their parents' top priority.

A Love That Feels Conditional

The bond between a daughter and her parents should be a sanctuary—an unshakable foundation of love, trust, and pride. Yet for countless daughters, this bond feels like a tightrope walk over judgment, comparison, and conditional affection. The pain isn’t always loud. It’s quiet, persistent, and deeply internalized. It’s the unseen wound that many carry: the feeling of being second best.

This isn’t about individual families failing their daughters. It’s about a cultural script that has long dictated who gets to be the priority—and who must earn it.

This isn't a personal flaw. It's a direct result of deep-seated societal rules that value a daughter based on expectations never placed on her male counterparts.

The Family is the First Judge

Society is quick to criticize women, but often, the pressure starts right at home. The people who should offer sanctuary become the first to enforce traditional roles.

The Priority Gap

In many cultures, sons are given the benefit of the doubt and the priority spot because they are seen as the ones who will carry the family name and manage the assets. Daughters are viewed as temporary—someone who will eventually leave.

This mindset leads to real differences:

 * Investment: Resources like education and career support are often subtly or openly directed toward the son.

 * Freedom: Sons typically get more freedom. Daughters face intense scrutiny over their clothes, friends, and career choices—all judged by how "suitable" she is for marriage.

The Myth of the "Female" Chore

Familial pressure hits hardest when it comes to household chores, which are wrongly labeled as "women's work."

Parents often tell daughters, "This is your job." Meanwhile, sons are excused with the destructive phrase: "That's not a boy's work (ye kaam ladko ka nahi hai)."

This is not tradition; it’s unfair conditioning. Household work—cooking, cleaning—is a life skill and a shared responsibility.

History Counters the Myth

History proves this segregation is false:

 * In the past, during the time of kings, men were often the primary chefs. Their royal title, "Maharaja" (Great King), did not conflict with their ability to cook.

 * At the same time, royal daughters were not stuck in the kitchen. They were trained in essential skills like horse riding and sword fighting, preparing them to defend and govern.

By excusing sons from domestic life and burdening daughters, families reinforce the toxic idea that a daughter's main value is her domestic service, not her ambition or strength. 

The Cruel Standard of "Dead is Better Than Divorced"

The awful saying that "a dead daughter is better than a divorced daughter" reveals the terrible reality: a woman's entire identity is tied to her marital status and the family's "honor." A failed marriage is seen as a greater stain than the loss of her life.

This mindset means daughters are constantly measured by an impossible standard of marital perfection, regardless of their professional success or personal achievements.

The Priority Gap: Sons as Legacy, Daughters as Liability

In many households, sons are seen as the torchbearers of lineage, property, and pride. Daughters, though cherished, are often viewed as transient—someone who will eventually “belong” to another family.

This leads to tangible disparities:

• 💰 Investment Bias: Career counseling, tuition, and even overseas education are often reserved for sons. Daughters are subtly steered toward “safe” careers that won’t interfere with future domestic roles.
• 🚦Freedom Differential: Sons roam freely. Daughters navigate curfews, dress codes, and moral policing—all under the guise of “protection.”

A Delhi-based psychologist shared the case of a young woman who was denied a journalism internship because it involved travel. Her brother, meanwhile, was encouraged to take a startup job in another city. “He’s a boy,” her mother said. “He’ll manage.”

The Harsh Reality

Whether a daughter is divorced or not, the problem is the same: she often finds she is loved with conditions.

 * Unforgiven Mistakes: A son’s mistakes are often dismissed as youthful errors. A daughter's deviations from the path are met with lasting judgment and disappointment.

 * Minimised Success: A son's success is a family triumph. A daughter's success is often viewed as secondary to her fulfilling her "primary" roles as a wife or mother.

Making Her Feel Seen and Heard

To the daughters who feel this deep lack of priority: Your feelings are valid. Your pain is real. Your need for unconditional love is fundamental. You are not defined by your marital status or anyone else’s approval.

Take the story of Meera, a brilliant student from Lucknow. Despite topping her class and winning a national science award, her parents’ praise was muted. At dinner, her brother’s cricket win was celebrated with sweets and selfies. Meera’s achievement? A passing mention. “We’re proud,” her father said, “but don’t forget, marriage is your real milestone.”

Society may be harsh, but the first place many daughters feel its sting is at home. The very people who should protect them often become the enforcers of outdated norms.

This isn’t neglect—it’s conditioning. And it starts early.

Reclaiming your self-worth starts with recognizing it within yourself.

💔 The Cruelty of “Dead is Better Than Divorced”

One of the most chilling cultural beliefs is the idea that a daughter’s death is more acceptable than her divorce. It’s a sentiment whispered in hushed tones, but its impact is deafening.

A young lawyer from Jaipur shared her ordeal: after leaving an abusive marriage, she was told by relatives, “You should’ve died instead. At least our name would’ve stayed clean.”

This mindset reduces a woman’s worth to her marital status. Her achievements, resilience, and humanity are erased by a single label: divorced.

🧠 The Double Standard: Mistakes and Milestones

• 🧨 Mistakes: A son’s missteps are “boys being boys.” A daughter’s are moral failures.
• 🎓 Success: A son’s promotion is a family celebration. A daughter’s is followed by, “Now let’s find her a good match.”

Even in progressive homes, this bias lingers in subtle ways—who gets the bigger bedroom, who’s asked to serve tea to guests, who’s expected to sacrifice for family.

🌈 Healing the Wound: Making Daughters Feel Seen

To every daughter who feels unseen: your pain is valid. Your worth is not negotiable. You are not a placeholder until marriage, nor a burden to be managed.

For parents, family, or anyone who cares about a woman who feels this way, a small gesture can change everything:

 * Listen Without Judgment: When she talks, say, "I hear you, and what you’re feeling makes sense." Don't offer advice or try to fix it.

 * Acknowledge Her Wins: Celebrate her successes in her career or hobbies—without immediately bringing up marriage or kids.

 * Show Unsolicited Appreciation: A simple, spontaneous message like, "I'm so proud of the person you are," can shift her entire day.

We must break this cycle. Every daughter deserves to feel that her existence is a source of unconditional joy and pride, not a constant source of anxiety or a role she must fulfill.